Somewhere along the history of our time, this definition lost its original meaning. Relationships have changed from a healthy bond between self-sufficient individuals to a deep dependency between two people saturated with attachment and lack. The latter approach is due entirely to a missing step in the process: Becoming whole and compete in our own skin before seeking partnership and looking inside for answers.
Hold your horses, no need to freak! I am not saying this is the case for every relationship, but let’s put it this way: how many people do you know who have put in the time, money, energy and commitment to truly finding themselves, clearing away past programming, and becoming their greatest potential? While this number is rising rapidly, we are still living in a society drenched with dependency, self-loathing, and projecting our emotions outward.
Just turn on the news for the most explosive example of this: War. War is caused by the projection of internal pain and blockages outward, transforming into violence and hatred. This primal projection lands on the easiest available target: religion, gender, sexuality, and race. War is not caused by people authentically hating others; War is caused by the inability to effectively communicate with someone else due to the war going inside the human mind.
Now let’s take a look at romantic relationships, after all that’s the area we all crave at our core. We all crave love, support, and affection. We all crave that feeling of being desired by someone, feeling safe and secure in a relationship, and feeling true intimacy with a partner. This may sound all fun and dandy but do you see the underlying theme here? Do you see the similarity between romantic relationships and war?
If I am saying that war is caused by projecting unresolved emotions outward, this is actually no different to the wars existing in relationships. They are both caused by the failure of looking inward, the failure of becoming whole and complete within ourselves first.
All relationship wars and battles can be resolved by this sacred tool: Looking inward. By taking responsibility as the creator of the missed communication, releasing victim mentality, and acknowledging how the other person is reflecting of our own internal war.
For those of you hearing this concept for the first time, start practicing by catching yourself before you react to an external trigger. In this gap period, ask yourself where is this coming from? How could this possibly be coming from me? The next step would be to find the internal reflection that is being magnified by this external trigger.
Here is an example of a reflection that came up for me my entire dating life, from 13 to just 6 months ago. I had a pattern of attracting men who made me feel small, unworthy, and undervalued. Why? Because I was lacking my own self-worth, I did not value myself, and I wasn’t living at my fullest potential. Once I began to work on my own relationship with myself, I immediately started attracting men who treated me the way I always deserved to be treated! They began to reflect my own internal self-love and self-worth. You see, people can only treat you the way you treat yourself. You are the center of your solar system; everything has been created for your evolution, for your growth. You are your own everything. You are “the one.”